Waiting for Godot Pastiche

by Liam Goodacre ©2003

something that i had a lot of fun doing, and may be enjoyable to anyone who has seen the masterpiece 'Waiting for Godot'

1 Where were we?
2 I dunno, somewhere around the start of act one.
1 We’ve past that surely- Pozzo and Lucky have been and gone. We must be nearer the end.
2 Pozzo and who?
1 Lucky, d’you not remember? The quiet one with the long speech that we couldn’t make head nor tale of.
2 We haven’t got to that part yet- that’s in act two.
1 Wait here we are, I’ve found a marker in page forty.
2 That’s yesterday’s.
1 We weren’t reading the play yesterday!
2 I wouldn’t know.
1 What, d’ya mean you don’t know, can you not remember what we were reading yesterday?
2 No.
1 I tire of this endless uncertainty- day in day out.
2 Nothing is ever certain.
1 No, not like it is on the stage… The boy!
2 Who?
1 The boy! He’d just appeared!
2 What stage?
1 And he’d told them that Godot wouldn’t be able to make it today, but surely tomorrow!
2 I don’t remember.
1 It makes you wonder doesn’t it?
2 About what?
1 About Godot! I mean, does he really exist? The only specific piece of information the reader is ever given about Godot is that he is coming, and even that fact is disputed.
2 Maybe there is no Godot.
1 Maybe Godot is just their excuse for what they don’t understand.
2 But the boy said that Godot was a sheep farmer.
1 He implied it- he didn’t state it.
2 That can’t be doubted.
1 No. But it’s still ridiculous isn’t it- the boy is the only character in the play who can give a clear answer to anything, and yet he still manages to confuse things rather than clarify them…
2 It’s pointless.
1 What’s pointless?
2 The whole play makes no sense at all!
1 Such is life… Would you like some more coffee, your last cup looks cold as a rock.
2 It’s fine.
1 It’s not fine, how can you drink something that’s been sitting there like a dead animal for the past twenty minutes?
2 I don’t drink it; I just like looking at it.
1 It’s all the same anyway.
2 I’m sure we’d gotten further than that yesterday- does the boy not come again in act two?
1 Could be… it’s almost as if…no.
2 What?
1 It’s almost as if time in the play isn’t linear like one expects it to be.
2 I asked does the boy not come again in act two.
1 But they repeat themselves, and don’t understand why…
2 Does the boy not come in act two?!
1 What? How should I know, we haven’t got that far yet!
2 What difference does that make?
1 What d’you mean what difference does that make, it means that we don’t know because we haven’t got there yet!
2 We knew that Pozzo and Lucky were coming before we’d gotten to that part.
1 How did we know?
2 A premonition.
1 Premonition indeed! I wish we could stop reading this damn stupid play and do something productive for a change!
2 It’s all the same anyway.
1 What’s all the same?
2 Life. It goes on with or without all the same.
1 With or without who?
2 Me and you.
1 I resent that statement.
2 It’s true. Nobody’ll notice when we’re gone.
1 Not true.
2 No matter how much will power we have we’ll still end up buried.
1 That’s not true!
2 Why deny it?
1 Why not?
2 Sometimes I think the same.
1 This play is…
2 This play is what?
1 I dunno.
2 Certainly you don’t know.
1 Neither do you.
2 I wish it weren’t so.
1 Let’s concentrate on reading; it’ll make us feel better.
2 I doubt it.
1 Well it’s worth a shot, come on let’s go. Where were we?
2 I dunno.
1 Come on, surely you can remember what the page number was.
2 It makes no difference anyway.
1 Come on I’ll tell you what- we’ll open the book at a random point and then start reading there, ok.
2 And what if we’ve read that bit before?
1 Then we’ll read it again!
2 That’d be boring!
1 Well it’d beat this doing nothing at any rate -come on- hand me the book.
2 You’re holding it in your hands already!
1 Right- so I am- here we go. Would you like some more coffee?
2 I told you already this one’s fine.
1 Are you sure? It looks awfully cold.
2 I wish you wouldn’t worry about me all the time!
1 It’s for your own good.
2 I can look after myself you know.
1 Come on now, we’re a team- we look after each other!
2 I wouldn’t know…
1 Are you enjoying this play?
2 Not any more than the last.
1 I mean what’s the point in it if nobody, even the characters, have the faintest idea what it’s about?
2 The point is it’s pointless.
1 Well now that’s a profound statement.
2 It’s the truth.
1 In that case then what are we doing here reading it?
2 …I dunno.
1 Maybe it’s life…
2 In what way.
1 Well do you never get the feeling that everything’s just as pointless and futile as it is in the play, just in a less exaggerated form.
2 Maybe we’re all waiting for Godot.
1 And without his presence we’d cease to exist…
2 Don’t say such things!
1 You’re right- such morbid thoughts aren’t healthy!
2 No, they poison the mind.
1 We’re better off where we are.
2 Where’s that?
1 Reading the play of course.
2 Can we not think of anything else to do?
1 No we have to finish it first!
2 God do you not get the feeling that this is going to go on for ever?
1 It can’t go on forever, there’s only so many pages in the book!
2 But it’s driving us insane!
1 Can you never be happy with what we have at the present?
2 I think it would be better if I left you to read the play on your own.
1 Don’t say such things! What would you do without me?
2 I think it’d be better for the both of us.
1 Can you not be just happy with what we already have?
2 Why should we be?
1 …That’s a good question.
2 Maybe some day we’ll reach true happiness…
1 Not at this rate we won’t.
2 No, we’re stuck.
1 For the time being anyway.
2 Just like characters in a play.
1 Shall we continue?
2 Fine by me.
1 Right then, what page were we on?


Originally at http://www.sonicattack.com/godot1.htm

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